She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
