HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
