it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
