I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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