i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
