at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
