I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
