True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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