you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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