someone threw a dead crab at me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
