why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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