I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
