so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
