Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
