Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
