Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
