I cannot find my penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
