A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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