I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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