just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
