I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
