woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
