Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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