Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
