The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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