woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
