There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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