For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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