At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
