pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
