I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
