He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize