watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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