last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
