Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
