Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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