My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Acid is not a monday night drug
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
