If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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