You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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