I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
