guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
