Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
