I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
