I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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