I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My feet surprised me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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