If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize