I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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