guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
