what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
