Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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