u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
