I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize