The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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