you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
