If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am midnight drunk by noon
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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