I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
