TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
