I just saw a hot homeless man
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
