Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
