listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
