we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
