Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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