Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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