So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
