I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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