So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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