I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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