he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
