If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
