I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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