you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
