I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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